Selective Memory

It is said that joy comes in the morning. And I feel now like I am truly waking up. Today marks three weeks back from South Korea, and I have begun noticing a phenomenon that I have come to refer to as “selective memory” regarding life there.

That is, while there, I felt the immediate impact of culture shock, communication issues, lifestyle differences, and general discomfort. Moreover, I experienced “teacher shock,” as for the first time I attempted to teach English to elementary students. Their behavior in the classroom was quite different than I expected and, at times, simply out of control.

Beyond that, I also endured the ugly reality of racism. Occasionally, I was treated as “less than human” because of the way I look. It cannot be quantified or explained; it’s often the way you are made to feel—through an angry stare or hurtful words. This was compounded by the already-present loneliness one feels in adapting to a foreign culture. Being alone was difficult and, at times, painful. I once (now humorously) cried in the middle of E-mart because I felt an emotional bond with a king crab stuck in a fish tank.

Yet despite all of this, I now find myself feeling a great joy, and I am beginning to see the fruits of my season there, spiritually and personally. In short, I am so happy that I went. It reminds me of the words of Jesus in John 16:21 – “When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.”

I am now experiencing the joy born from investing in the lives of the students…

I am not sure what all I was able to truly impart to the students, by way of teaching. But I am hoping they came to see that “foreigners” are not all that foreign from them, and that not all male figures are “too busy” to spend time with them. Most students wanted their “break time” to involve me picking up a ball and tossing it around with them; that became a ministry in itself. I am also thankful that we had so many boys attend our student Bible study regularly. I pray for strong men of God to rise up in Korea.

Of course, there were also many humorous events in the classroom. Kids do “say the darnedest things!” One day, Yu Bin didn’t bring any items to “sell” for our class garage sale. If he didn’t make “money,” he couldn’t buy snacks. So he grabbed a piece of paper and a marker, and wrote a beggar’s sign that read: “Pleaze help me. I am pore. I need moony.” The poor spelling just added to the whole thing (like a Chick-fil-A ad), making me double over in laughter. I also put money in his empty can.

Some of my younger students, who did not speak any English in the beginning phases, were still very dedicated to learning. It was funny what they would pick up along the way. One young man could not understand the age lesson. I would ask: “How old are you?” Then, I would try to help him pronounce: “Nine years old.” However, he couldn’t hear the difference between “nine years old” and “eyes, ears, nose.” So, every time I asked his age, he would show me the parts of his head!

Another funny truth: Mr. Bean saved my teaching career. They loved those videos, as we could also enjoy conversation based on his antics. When a lesson was going badly or if I didn’t know what to do next, I could ask the students: “Who wants to watch Mr. Bean?” Suddenly, I was the best teacher in the universe.

Still, Woo Jin began calling me the “time for class” ghost. Every day, I would come down the stairs at certain times, to gather the students for class. I would yell: “Time for class!” Once I was given the “ghost” nickname, the students would scream: “Time for class ghost!” Then, they would run and hide. It became a game of sorts.

I am also enjoying the happiness born out of our worship together…

If I were to carry only one memory of the Korean people, it would likely be this: singing! Koreans love music. I made sure to bring home my Korean-English hymnal, as it reminds me of our worship there- the praying and rejoicing. Most of the church members had written the lyrics on their hearts, memorizing the entire book of songs!

During outreach concerts at the park, they would ask me to sing some songs in English. I sang Elvis and the Beatles and Bing Crosby (“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas”) to the glory of God! I also enjoyed several outside concerts there, including a jazz concert from Elder Jung’s band One Note. Moreover, the sound of karaoke made its way into my apartment each night, as one bar was right below me!

I also enjoyed teaching the students the closing songs for our parent performances, including “Happy Trails” by Roy Rogers and “I Won’t Grow Up” from Peter Pan. The students would also sing in class. Two of the girls adapted “Jingle Bells” to “Teacher Bad.” If they didn’t want to study, they would sing it. One of my favorite students, named Max, came to class one day asking me: “Do you know Justin Timberlake?” He then wanted me to sing and explain the meaning of: “I’m bringing sexy back!”

I am likewise living in the grace & mercy born from the heart of God…

I learned a lot about myself during this season, seeing what came out of my heart during the pressure and stress. For example, I thought I was a big fan of cold weather—until I lived through winter there. I now consider snow a four-letter curse word. I came to see that I do not like the cold; I like air-conditioning. Perhaps this also reveals some control issues on my part! You can adjust the temperature of your air conditioner. You cannot escape the sub-zero wind chill of winter air.

In the midst of all this, the Lord was still gracious to show me what He was doing in me during this season. First, I was humbled by 1 Peter 1:6-7 – that the Lord was displaying His power, purifying my faith as gold. Secondly, I was moved by Romans 8:38-39 – that the Lord was revealing His love, in that nothing could or will ever separate me from it.

I pray now that I will continue to value the fellowship born from my relationships there…

In my final days there, many members of the church and families of students stopped by my apartment, to shower me with farewell cards & gifts. I have already received several emails from students at the school and young men from the Bible study. In the future, several of the Koreans I met plan to come to the United States, whether to visit or study or immigrate here. I look forward to greeting them with joy.

I am certain now that a part of my heart will always be Korean. So, to commemorate that truth, I will leave you with a picture that made my students laugh. They would see it and say: “Paul is an old Korean man!” Enjoy! But feel free to erase it from memory…

Rearview Mirror

I am starting to get settled again here in Texas. This week, I am purchasing a new vehicle. Well, new to me anyway. I am catching up on the news, listening to current music, and watching favorite shows again. Soon, I will have everything “under control.” I will reconnect with old friends. And in a short while, I will feel comfortable.

In a way, re-adjusting to your home culture is like driving a car again. We make sure to tune the radio to our preferred station or pop our favorite “mixed tape” into the CD player; turn the air conditioning to right temperature; adjust the seat to the right angle; put down the visor; and set the cruise control. After a while, we often become self-absorbed as we daydream our way down the highway. It isn’t until we look into the rearview mirror that we recognize we still aren’t alone on the road. Even then, we may not sense any need to change our relaxed disposition. Yet we should be aware and alert. For, despite what we perceive at that moment, objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.

My time in South Korea is now in the rearview mirror. Yet I pray that, in my comfort, I will not forget the things that have been stirred up within my soul. I hope I will not seek to (perhaps futilely) “un-see” the things I have seen. Despite any feeling of distance between then and now, I want to remember…

There is still great suffering in the world.

A few weeks before departure, a family at Evergreen Church invited me to tour the Independence Hall of Korea. Mr. Lee, the father, is the Secretary General there. The Hall reveals the (formerly suppressed) history of Korea from 1910 to 1945, when the people of Korea suffered greatly under Japanese imperialist rule. As the description reads, it is also “a memorial that details the history of brutality and cruelty that swept across Asia a century ago and the history of resistance and rebellion for freedom and national independence.” It was a very eye-opening and moving experience for me.

One section of the memorial graphically depicts the kinds of torture that the Korean people endured in this period. It begins with pictures of wounds inflicted through merciless flogging. It was there that I also saw the wooden cross where the people laid, while they were beaten and belittled…

I looked at Pastor Lee and said, tearfully: “Just like Jesus. They suffered just like Jesus.” What he said took me by surprise: “Yes. God loves the Korean people greatly.” I wouldn’t have put that together in my mind—that the love of God expresses itself in allowing His people to suffer like Jesus. But that is a biblical reality embraced by believers around the world, yet often pushed aside in my “need” for comfort.

I have been challenged to think upon that since my return here. The disciples in Acts were beaten and charged not to speak of Jesus again. “Then they left the presence of the counsel, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name” (Acts 5:41). The Apostle Paul said he wanted to not only know Christ in the power of His resurrection, but also “share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death” (Philippians 3:10). Peter comforts the Church with this: “Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name” (1 Peter 4:16).

In the imagined distance of the rearview mirror, I often neglect the reality of suffering. It seems so “far away” from life here in the States. Yet it is much closer than it appears. There are two means of suffering: the suffering we endure personally and the suffering we willingly share in, by working to bring about freedom. In that, we also acknowledge…

There is still great evil in the world.

A part of imperialist history just now coming to light is the use of “comfort stations.” The Japanese captured thousands of women from around Asia (and even the Netherlands) to use as comfort women—sex slaves forced into prostitution. The museum at the Hall displayed hundreds of yellow dots, all of which represented locations where women were daily beaten, raped, and used by soldiers…

In order to avoid accountability for this crime, the Japanese killed the women who didn’t escape as the war ended. They burned down the stations, hoping to keep this part of history hidden from the world. However, brave women have recently spoken out about it.

My sister and I chatted about the movie Precious last week. We said the content of the movie was quite tough to watch, and we agreed that Mo’Nique truly embodied (in playing Mary, the abusive mother) what some have deemed “the most evil villain ever depicted on screen.” Yet we also said that the most shocking part of the movie may be…that thousands of Precious and Mary’s still exist today, “hidden away” in inner cities and places all over the globe. Yet, in our comfort, we often choose to change the channel.

Of course, it is easy to vilify Japan or Mary or any other “villain” we so deem worthy of hate and destruction. Another shocking reality is the amazing grace given through the cross of Christ, which shows us…

There is still grace available for the world.

In our insulated silence, we all share in the guilt of evil and suffering. Not only that, we are all born as children of Eden, bent toward rebellion against God and hatred of the light. Yet we are not without hope.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). I pray that truth never becomes a passing thought in the rearview mirror. I want it to stay near me, and in front of me.

“But the righteousness based on faith says, Do not say in your heart, ‘Who will ascend into heaven?’ (that is, to bring Christ down) or ‘Who will descend into the abyss?’ (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead). But what does it say? ‘The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart’ (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim) because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:6-9).

My hope in returning here is to keep pressing on, for the sake of the gospel. I do not want to become self-centered again, but to remember where I have been, recall what I have learned, and embrace what I have experienced— as part of a greater plan for the glory of God. Now, the world is in my sights. And I pray, in my bent toward comfort, that its suffering—and its great Hope—do not come to appear further than they really are.