Home Is Where…?

When I arrived at my current apartment, it wasn’t quite what I had expected. Sure, I have learned to curb my expectations when living in a culture that is not my own. But a lot of the work one normally does to prepare for a new tenant hadn’t been done on my behalf. Only one light was working. The faucets were leaking. The stove was broken. And the place was filthy. Moreover, the apartment had been used as a storage room, and many of the items were still sitting there, being stored.

Upon seeing it, my first reaction was to well up with tears. This was my new home? Then, after taking a deep breath (and taking stock of the work needing to be done), I rolled up my sleeves and began organizing, cleaning, and unpacking.

I knew I had reached a greater point of acceptance when I looked at a daddy long legs spider, sighed, and said aloud: “Okay, if you promise not to crawl on me and to help me kill the other bugs, I will not suck you up with the vacuum.” Though perhaps I have been living alone too long, when I start conversing with a “pet spider.”

I was able to put things into further perspective when MercyMe came on my playlist, and they began singing: “When I finally make it home…” I stopped to look around and see my progress, and I smiled as I said: “Well, I guess this isn’t home yet. Tent, sweet tent.”
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The question often comes up naturally with friends and family: “So when are you coming home?” Or, it is from the perspective of the Koreans: “When are you going back home?” or “When will you be returning to your home?”

It is a fair question, and one I anticipate, as I too dearly miss loved ones. Yet it is a loaded question. After all, home is…where exactly?

If you mean the “house of my roots,” you would have to trace it to the home on Avenue B in Crawford, Texas. But my parents moved from there when I left to college. That home now belongs to someone else. So if we simply want to count houses as home—the next “home” for me was on Vogel St in Abilene. It belonged to the university. Moving on from there—after living in several apartments in DFW, and a stint overseas, I stayed in a house on Elizabeth Dr in Carrollton. But that house belonged to a generous family, who let me stay there (rent-free) as long as I helped take care of it.

There are other working definitions of home. Some say: “Home is where the heart is.” Yet I have pieces of my heart all over the globe now. There is no city, no country…not even a continent that can contain it. My heart has outgrown an earthly destination.

I often find comfort in this: “I will always have a home with my family.” Indeed, I treasure my parents and my sister. I certainly have a place to rest in the Waco area or the Dallas area (i.e., where they are now respectively). Moreover, my family has grown to include my spiritual family, the Church. Plus, Jesus said if you leave your “home,” you will gain a hundred-fold (Luke 18:28-30). In that way, I have a lot of real estate!

The issue comes with this…”home” implies a firm foundation. People, along with their circumstances, change. If you simply define home as “being with loved ones,” that has no sense of lasting security either. Does the longing for “home” die when loved ones do?

Still others simply jest: “Home is where your suitcase is.” I can relate to that, in some sense. It is good to plant your roots where you are, taking in the gift of the present.

Yet, maybe in all of these musings, we would do well to entertain this thought. Perhaps, for those called according to His purpose, this world is not meant to feel like home at all.

In his book The Problem of Pain, CS Lewis writes: “The Christian doctrine of suffering explains, I believe, a very curious fact about the world we live in. The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, merry meetings with our friends, a bathe, or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”

So, adding that to consideration, we are left with several truths as we all journey on as wayfaring strangers. First, this world is not our home. Heaven is our home, knowing that Jesus is there. “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ” (Philippians 3:20).

And through Christ we enjoy this daily reality—home is where God is (Psalm 91). And He is omni-present. We have a taste of heaven now, as we look in a mirror dimly. His Holy Spirit lives in us. We are a temple of His presence. This means we can feel at “home” in any physical location, when we abide in Him (and He in us).

Finally, there is no going back. Jesus made this clear when He said to the disciples, “Let the dead bury their own dead. Follow me.” The scriptures speak of looking onward and upward, lest we fall away or turn to salt. Paul’s example was this: “Press on toward what lies ahead, forgetting what lies behind.” As for the heroes of faith—

“These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city” (Hebrews 11:13-16).

For me, I don’t think it wise to talk of “going back.” Instead, I am moving on from here… onto the next place in God. He is my dwelling place. Heaven is my real home. For now, until then, as I look around where He has me, I shall smile and say: “Tent, sweet tent.”
For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens… (2 Corinthians 5)

The Coming of the Lord

There aren’t as many “signs” in Suwon that Christmas is here as I am accustomed to seeing around this time of year. I haven’t taken in many Christmas trees or displays or blow-up snow globes or the like. No one has spoken about attending parties or driving to see lights or completing shopping lists. Some students will actually attend school on Christmas Day. In a way, it makes it hard to believe that the holiday is upon us. In another sense, it is a good chance to focus on Christ, without all the consumerism.

I remember a few years back in China, when I similarly had opportunity to think on the “reason for the season” without all the distractions of holiday busyness. I read the history (as in, His story) of Christmas from the Bible, and I became fascinated (as I am still) with the kinds of people who were blessed to see the first coming of our Lord.

Beginning in Luke 2:8-20, the angel comes to share the birth announcement with the shepherds. What kind of people were they? They who were awake and alert. As we are told, they were up all night, tending their flocks. In the dark of night, there were not many who would be ready to receive the news. The shepherds were the exception.

Moving on in Luke 2:22-35, Jesus is presented in Jerusalem. There the family meets Simeon. What kind of man was he? He who held fast to the promises. He was filled with joy to encounter the newborn Christ. He had been told by the Spirit that he would not taste death before he had seen Him. He had waited with expectation.

Following on in Luke 2:36-38, Anna shows up at the Temple. What kind of woman was she? She who remained faithful. She was simply doing what she did daily—coming to worship with prayer and fasting. In her faithfulness, she was blessed to see the Christ. She began singing in exaltation.

A while after, in Matthew 2:1-12, the Wise Men came to visit. What kind of people were they? They who looked for the signs. The Magi had studied the scriptures diligently and had watched the stars closely. When the time finally arrived, they rejoiced exceedingly.

When studying on, I get the feeling that the same kind of people who witnessed the first coming of the Lord will also rejoice at His second coming.
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I received a wonderful newsletter from my friends Jim and Margie this week. In it, they beautifully summed up the larger story of Christmas: “It is about Emmanuel coming to earth as a baby—about Jesus growing into manhood among His creation—about God’s Son walking toward Golgotha even from His first steps. It is about God’s plan of the ages—Jesus came to die for our sins—and conquer death with an empty tomb. That’s what it’s about.”

Indeed, the infant in the manger lived to become the crucified Savior. Now, He is the exalted Christ, and He will come again to judge the living and dead. This time, He will arrive in power, on a white horse, as King of kings and Lord of lords…and the Prince of peace will make war and achieve final victory over the forces of darkness.

What is clear from the Bible—we will all witness this coming. Every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth (Philippians 2:10). Yet who will rejoice?

Those who are awake and alert. “Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming” (Matthew 24:42). What will we be found doing on that day? Are we preparing, right now, in this moment, for His arrival?

Those who hold fast to the promises. “Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:1-2). The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promises, as some count slowness. Do we believe that every word will be done (and should be done) as it is written?

Those who remain faithful. “But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls” (Hebrews 10:39). Will we keep growing in grace and knowledge, encouraging and building one another up daily?

Those who look for the signs. “And there will be signs in sun and moon and stars, and on the earth…Now when these things begin to take place, straighten up and raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near” (Luke 21:25-28). Surely, no man will know the day or the hour. Nor is it for us to know the times or the seasons. He will come like a thief in the night. But as Paul writes: “You are not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief” (1 Thessalonians 5:4). Will we be ready?

In speaking about the second coming, Paul and Peter allude to the days of Noah. Noah didn’t know the exact day of the flood. But surely the ark would first be completed, and he likely knew to close the door only when he saw the first drops of rain. Until that point, he simply “did all that the Lord commanded him”—and kept building and preaching.

Since all these things are thus…what kind of people ought you to be in lives of holiness and godliness, waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God…? (2 Peter 5)

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas—as together we celebrate His first coming, while awaiting the next! Blessings ~ Paul

Lingering Questions

One of my middle school students stopped in the middle of our lesson, when a serious look came upon her face. She said: “I have something I want to ask you.” I smiled, as if to show her that questions are always welcome, and replied: “Sure, what do you want to know?” She asked me: “Paul, what are you doing here?”

The question struck me as a little vague. After all, did she mean: having had chances to live and serve in other countries, what am I doing in South Korea now? Did she wonder: how exactly did I come in contact with Evergreen Church and English Village? Or did she intend to ask: what am I doing in a city like Suwon, when most foreigners prefer to live and teach in bustling Seoul?

I answered her question with another: “Could you be a little more specific? What do you mean?” She said, “I mean, why are you here?” Once again, her lack of inflection didn’t help me to understand her intentions any further. Was it, “why are you here?” or “why are you here?” or “why are you here?”

So I asked again: “Well, do you mean…?” She cut me off with a curt: “Never mind. Just asking.” I decided not to fish any further. After all, it seemed she was content to simply deliver the question…as if I was the one who was supposed to sit with it.
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Why are you here? The question has stuck with me. In fact, after leaving class that night, it hit me like a ton a bricks. I thought: “What was that all about?” And I wondered: Did the Lord just use one of my students to break into my day, to get my attention?

In some sense, it touches upon a deeper search for purpose. Why am I here? I think the right answer would be: to live in and share the love of Christ. But, then again, I can’t help but probe further into my life: am I really being faithful to pursue the purposes that God has set out for me? Or do I still try to serve lesser gods, including myself?

Paul once said: “I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I have received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God” (Acts 20:24). Can I say the same in my life’s calling?

On the other hand, the question is tinged with sadness for me, as it exposes a very real issue of faith. Why am I here? Truth be told, the road home from China (in 2008) was a bumpy one. It began with a tough transition back to Texas. In my first few months home, I suffered from shingles in my ear and across my face. I watched my health and savings account decline. Add in a lemon car, following a raw deal, and I eventually saw my savings evaporate.

I was blessed to get a job after a long season of unemployment (in 2009). I worked at Primero Foods, where I helped administrate sales and distribution of Tex-Mex food. That season ended right before leading a team to Kenya. Those events (seemingly random, at times) would also spur me on to look for work overseas again. And here I am (in 2010)…

Do I really believe that no season has been wasted—moreover, that each leg of the race has been sovereignly ordained for me, no matter how “off the course” it feels?

My favorite singer right now is Susan Boyle. In an original song written for her, called “Who I Was Born to Be,” she sings: “Though I may not know the answers, I can finally say I’m free. And if the questions led me here, then I am who I was born to be.”

That’s a beautiful and freeing thought—that it may be the questions of life that lead us and grant us perspective at times…not just the answers. I know that my life (moreover, I believe all of our lives) is fraught with questions. Why this? Why that?

It can be a good and healthy thing to ask questions. They can rightly lead us into deeper relationship with the Lord, deeper connection with others, and deeper knowledge of self. John Calvin once wrote: “Without knowledge of self there is no knowledge of God. With no knowledge of God there is no true knowledge of self.”

Yet, on days that I am overwhelmed by the lingering questions, I cling to the tried and true wisdom of Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Sometimes, we just have to sit with the questions.

I likewise rest in the knowledge that the Lord has used questions to lead His children since the beginning of creation. When the Lord asks a question, it isn’t for lack of His understanding. No, it is always designed to bring us back to reality—His reality.

“Adam, where are you?”
“Eve, what is this you have done?”
“Cain, where is your brother? What have you done?”
“Hagar, where have you come from, and where are you going?”
“Elijah, what are you doing here?”
“Job, where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth…?”
“Isaiah, whom shall I send? Who will go for us?”
“Baruch, do you seek great things for yourself?”
“Jonah, do you do right to be angry?”
“Disciples, who do you say that I am? Do you also wish to go away?”
“Simon, do you love me?”
“Saul, why are persecuting me?”

Still today, it is from His holy word that He strongly, yet tenderly asks all of us: “How shall you escape if you neglect such a great salvation” (Hebrews 2:3)?

I also cling to the promise of Jesus in John 16:22-23 – “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, He will give it to you.”

It is not immediately clear if Jesus means that He will answer all our lingering questions in heaven, or if they will simply be swallowed up in the majesty of His presence. I am not sure we will care at that moment. For, it will likely have been the questions that helped lead us there.

Are You Happy?

Good food makes me happy. Great company brings me joy. And this weekend, I had both. Elder Jung and his wife joined me for dinner at my apartment. The table did not lack for food. Though, that is a story in itself.

I managed to put together a Thanksgiving-esque meal, with great help from the amazing care packages that I have been sent. I prepared the familiar sides of seasoned corn, mashed potatoes, sweet potato puree, and stuffing. I substituted chicken for turkey. And I even made gravy. For dessert, I served banana cream pudding with fresh bananas and pecans, along with hot chocolate…

And I did it ALL, using ONLY this…

Please tell me: am I called to be the Next Iron Chef? I know I need to work on plating (as they would likely deduct points for Tupperware), but I had to keep each separate dish in a warmer, while I prepared the rest!

We enjoyed our meal and shared many laughs over stories from our journeys. We did not lack for joy and happiness: happiness, because we truly revel in our friendship, despite cultural differences—and joy, because we have all been reconciled to God in Christ, who broke down the wall of separation.
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Elder Jung has taught me one of my greatest lessons here. He taught me that I must fight for joy—and joy can be readily won, if we seek it in God. Then, I should protect it. If my happiness is gone, I must get it back from the enemy by going to God.

One afternoon, several months back, we had lunch together. I had invited him that day, so that I could get his cultural insight and wisdom about several situations I was facing here. When we sat down, I immediately began sharing about my challenges. Soon, I found myself verbally “dumping” on him. I talked at length about the stress I was enduring at school, the confusion I was feeling over cultural differences, the loneliness I was sensing in it all. I laid it all bare at the table.

After about thirty minutes of hearing my complaints, he smiled and gently asked me: “Paul, are you happy?” It was a jarring question. To be honest, I wasn’t sure of its relevance to our discussion. And all I could answer was: “I don’t know.” He said: “Paul, if you were happy, you would know it, right?” I answered with a nod of the head.

He continued: “You seem to be carrying so much. I want you to be happy in God. Stop doing what you are doing, until you give Him all those problems. You are doing His work, so He will take them.” I semi-debated with: “But that doesn’t mean all of the problems will go away!” He smiled again and said: “Yes, but you will be happy. You have two options: be happy in God or quit. Both will resolve your stress. But neither will make the problems disappear today. Run to Him, or run away. I suggest you go to Him, because then the problems won’t seem so big anymore.” Then, I broke.

Am I happy—happy in God? That question has stuck with me. It was only a few nights after our discussion that I read a chapter called “Joy and Gladness” in Mike Mason’s Champagne for the Soul. In it, he contends: “The Bible does not separate joy and happiness, and neither should we. Repeatedly Scripture mentions the two together.” He expounds further: “If a proper distinction can be made between joy and happiness, perhaps it’s like that between faith and works. These two are not distinct in the sense that sometimes we have one and sometimes the other; rather, they’re two aspects of the same reality.” He uses the other fruits of the Spirit to show that all of them have both interior and exterior qualities. Happiness, he explains, is realized joy.

As kids, we know the song: “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! … If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it.” I am not sure why I ever graduated past children’s songs. I still have so much to learn in them. That is, it’s silly to say: “I am a very joyful person. The joy of Christ is truly in me. But I express it through a frown, crossed arms, and complaining about my life.” No, if we claim the joy that is ours in Christ, we will sing, dance, shout, and clap.

And I savor the advice Mike Mason offers: ““Now ask for yourself: what is the gospel? Keep asking until the answer that comes provokes an eruption of joy…If we’re not joyful, we haven’t finished repenting. The sign that we’ve repented well is happiness, as God consumes our sacrifice of sorrow and exchanges it for joy…What we lack as Christians isn’t just the will to believe the gospel, but the will to be happy about what we believe. Indeed our lack of joy is a sign of unbelief.”

Do I really believe that God wants me to be happy in Him, in every season of life, in all the places I go, for all eternity?

Elder Jung is an incredibly happy man. He is always smiling, always rejoicing. There is always time for a joke and a smile. There is never time for a complaint to be uttered from his lips, though there is always time to listen to others in need. His friendship makes me happy, and I am blessed that I get to count him a brother in Christ.