The Way of Wisdom is the Path of Purity

Heads-up: This turned into more of a sermonette than a typical post! It is 4 pages in Word. But, my hope is that if I am wordy in a blog, it will also be worthy of your time. Brothers, if you are seeking to walk in purity as well, please consider taking some time to read this.

Something was illuminated for me in the Word these past few weeks that has been very helpful for me as a man. When I find something helpful, I want to do all I can to edify others who may find it meaningful as well. Yet, frankly, it is about a topic one would normally shy away from on a blog—the battle with lust.

Every man is acquainted with this struggle in the flesh—though not all would view it as something to be warred against. Some are given over to it and revel in it. Others deny it. Yet some do all they can to fight it, privately or overtly. Regardless, it is there…the temptation to view others impurely, as objects meant solely for our selfish desires.

I do not wish to communicate here that I have discovered the “key to overcoming sexual temptation.” More so, I have found another useful weapon to add to an arsenal. It is a daily battle against a crafty enemy, and it requires more than just a shotgun. It requires the full armor of God in order to stand (Ephesians 6).

For me, I have never (previously) directly associated the prayer for wisdom with fighting the battle against lust and walking the path of purity. But, this month, as I was reading Proverbs, I noticed that it begins with a father’s plea for his son to walk in wisdom. In chapters 1-9, there is also much talk of guarding your heart and avoiding seduction.

Associating wisdom and purity makes a lot of sense. Our thoughts affect our desires. Specifically, what we think about a woman greatly affects how we view and feel about a woman. We know that we are not to be conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). Paul instructs us, “whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable…think about these things” (Philippians 4:8-9). Said in another way, we have been given the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16), and we need to use it for the purpose of purity.

Moreover, if praying for wisdom is effective in battling lust, we have great hope. For God answers this prayer of faith and grants wisdom generously…to all…without reproach (James 1:5)! And see what the effect of that wisdom is in our life: “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere” (James 3:17). A prayer for wisdom is a prayer that God answers. And when He answers, purity comes with it.

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I should here acknowledge that during the heat of a Texas summer, the battle also heats up as women wear less and less. I understand full well that this battle is often lost when things get hot and heavy. That’s why it is super important for me to prepare my mind and heart before I ever leave my house.

I am not going to speak about a woman’s part in dressing modestly here. Also, if you are a lady reading this, I fully realize that lust is something you struggle with as well (and I hope you are also edified). Yet I am a man…and I want to speak to fellow men, out of personal experience. And, I want to issue a charge of responsibility for a man to guard his heart, renew his mind, and make a covenant with his eyes. Men, the fact is that many women around us, as long as we are in the world, are going to dress immodestly. Thus, we need to look at ourselves now…and not point fingers elsewhere. Besides, our imagination is powerful to lead us down impure paths, regardless of what women are wearing. Our minds are powerful to “undress others with our eyes.”

Back on point, the battle can rage at any given moment. And it is toughest when it happens suddenly and intensely. The great promise of wisdom is this: “Do not be afraid of sudden terror…for the Lord will be your confidence…” (Prov 3:25-26).

To tell you more how praying for wisdom has impacted my strategy against lust, let me share some reliable helps for me…then show where this has added a new dynamic. My strategy for purity looks something like this:

First, I start my day from a place of forgiveness. I want the gospel to motivate me—my relationship with Him, not religion apart from Him. I want my obedience to flow from a place of acceptance in Christ. I don’t want to strive to earn His love. I want to be loved freely by Him, and from there bear fruit worthy of this love. I want to be full of His Spirit, not resigned to self-effort. So, I try to start my morning by cleansing myself spiritually too. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). It helps to begin with a reminder that I am a sinner, saved by grace alone, through faith in Christ alone, who has loved me and given His life for me. And it is no longer I who live, but Him who lives in and through me.

Next, I continue a conversation with the Lord throughout the day. This is important, as it is quite different than pleading with myself. Instead, I petition the Lord. I try to cultivate a sense of His presence with me. It only breeds guilt and shame and legalism if I yell at myself, “Paul, don’t fail at this! Don’t be an idiot again!” Instead, I pray, “Lord, help me. Give me strength. Rebuke the enemy.” I don’t talk to myself. I pray to God.

Yet this last step is where wisdom has a new place. I used to focus solely on crucifying my desires, especially when the battle raged. That is of course part of the deal. Paul tells us, “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24). But, we must mind that he says to put to death the sinful flesh…

You see, God gave us a sex drive. It is silly to pray (as I have realized), “God, please remove my desires for a woman!” As if, I am asking God to obliterate my hormones completely and make me asexual. Frankly, I don’t want that. The issue is not my desires for sexual intimacy. It’s what I do with it. The prayer for wisdom acknowledges that a sex drive is a good, God-given thing. It says, “Lord, help me control my desires. Help me direct them to the right outlets. Give me wisdom to walk the righteous paths.”

So now, I pray for wisdom in the moment. I ask God to help me see women rightly and to see my situation wisely. And the fruit of that prayer has been greater purity.

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Let me give a prime example that happened last week. I went to lunch alone, as my co-workers had other things going on, and I forgot to bring a lunch. Looking back, I know that when King David was alone, he became even more susceptible (2 Samuel 11). Nevertheless, I wasn’t thinking about all that. I was just hungry, so I went out and ate. That in itself is not a sin, although company does often provide accountability. Plus, we must be careful not to let our impulsive appetites drive our daily actions.

While I was sitting at my table, a woman walked in. And this woman was dressed to be noticed. Without meaning to sound judgmental, she may have even been dressed to “advertise.” All I do know, she was an attractive woman, wearing very revealing clothing and seeming to enjoy the fact that all eyes were going towards her. Mine included.

I caught myself in the act, and I stared down at my table. At this point, I thought of my go-to verse of Job 31:1 – “I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” I also remembered my newer, supporting scriptures of Proverbs 4:25-26 – “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.”

I was staring a hole in that table. I could feel the pull to look again. But I didn’t want to stumble. Martin Luther once said, “You can let a bird land on your head, but don’t let it nest there.” In other words, it is not a sin to be tempted. But temptation does give way to sin. And so, the battle began…

My first thoughts went to seeing her rightly (or righteously). This directly connects with covenant eyes. I would inevitably see her again in the restaurant. But, during the next sighting, how would I view her then? I thought:

I do not want to see her as an object. I want to see her as a person fully alive—with hopes, dreams, fears, hurts. Jesus takes it very seriously when we de-humanize others. This is why He said to “love our neighbors as ourselves.” She is a human. Not a thing.

I want to view her in all purity. I do not want to envision her serving my sinful desires. She is a daughter of the King, created in His image. She should be treated as a sister, with all honor and respect. I should not covet a woman who is likely another man’s wife.

I want to see her as a person for whom Christ died. She is a soul. And she needs a Savior. John Piper exhorts us to imagine her last moments on earth. In her dying moment, would we stare at her body in lust? Or would we desire to see her soul saved in the hearing of the gospel?

Then, my next thoughts went to praying for wisdom—to seeing the situation wisely. If I fail to defeat my battle with lust in thinking only of her rightly, I can also think of the outcomes, and my surroundings, and the right paths. So, I began thinking as I prayed:

Others are watching. The fact is, when I looked up, other women were watching us men to see how we would react. I realized at that moment, I am making them to feel less desirable and treasured. And what of my witness? By looking at lust upon one woman, I can blow my chances of sharing Christ’s love with a restaurant full of people—who may then fail to distinguish me from the rest of the world.

Adultery ruins lives. Even if no one else is watching, lust can lead me down dangerous, secret paths that lead to public ruin. Some may dismiss this and say, “It’s just looking at the menu, not ordering! What’s so wrong with that?” Jesus would tell us, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). And adultery splits families, destroys ministries, ends careers, spreads diseases, and crushes dreams. Is it worth all that?

Lust never satisfies. It only leads to feelings of emptiness and guilt. It promises so much, but delivers so little. Temporary highs are a lousy exchange for eternal joy. I feel tired and lost when I give in. It impacts my mood, my spirit, my happiness. There is so much more to the feeling of a hard-fought victory that maintains connection with the Spirit, than in the depression of another defeat that grieves Him and causes distance.

These thoughts didn’t kill the temptation altogether. But it did bring greater awareness for me, deeper compassion of others, and stronger connection with God. And I was able to walk out of that restaurant sensing His pleasure. And, honestly, it felt good.

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I love the imagery of a well. Proverbs actually uses the well when speaking of fulfilling our desires through marrying and loving a wife well (5:15-23). Solomon says, “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.” He tells us to drink to our hearts content—as marriage is God’s design for sexual fulfillment.

The problem is, we keep drinking from the wrong cisterns. The Lord says, “For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:13). We could finally find what we are looking for in Him and His order of things—satisfaction. In His hand are pleasures evermore (Psalm 16:11).

Yet, I am a single man. I do not have the “well” of marriage to draw from. So, what do I do in this time of waiting? How does a young man keep his way pure (Psalm 119:9)? For me, I have actually found the image of a well to be quite helpful in prayer. Have you ever felt loneliness so deep, that it feels like a bottomless well? That is a place where only living water can flow. That well will always be there. Even married men will tell us that temptation never ceases. I have learned to thank Jesus for this well—because it is a reminder that my heart has places that only He can reach and fill.

Think of the woman at the well (John 4). She had been in five marriages. She was living with her boyfriend. And those relationships left her parched. She was hoping to be filled by earthly love. But she needed a fountain of living water. She told Jesus, “But the well is deep!” He said, “Ask, and I will draw water for you from that well. And the water I give you will become in you like a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Jesus would later tell us, of the Spirit, “And out of your hearts will flow rivers of living water” (John 7:37-39). We will be filled to the point of overflow in Him.

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Fight well, my brothers. If you are in the battle, find yourself struggling toward Him, not away from Him. He wants to draw near to you. Then, the enemy must flee. Recall the weapons available to you…and pray for wisdom:

“Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister,’ and call insight your intimate friend, to keep you from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words” (Proverbs 7:4-5).

It will end in peace and goodness. And it may just save your life.