Who am I? This or the Other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine!
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a martyr of the faith. I am not sure that I will ever achieve his level of heroism and courage in the fire. Nor am I sure I will ever fully grasp the depth of the “lonely questions” that mocked him behind prison walls. But I can relate to the question he wrote about here: “Who am I?” I find myself asking that more and more. It is, by its nature, a defining question, yet also, in its impact, a transforming one.
I was helped along by Fritz Ridenour, in
How to Be a Christian without Being Religious: “A lot of Christians put the cart before the horse. They fume and fret about what God wants to them to do (service) whey they are spiritually unprepared to do it (character). Here is where Romans 12:1 comes in. Before God wants your service, He wants a guarantee that He really has
you. Paul doesn’t mince words. We are to give our bodies as a living sacrifice.”
You see, one can go overboard in asking the question: “What does God want me to do?” As I have been learning lately, that question centers of issues of
circumstance. Instead, perhaps a more appropriate question is: “Who does God want me to be?” This places the priority on issues of
character. For, when the Bible speaks of the will of God, it does so largely in terms of the heart: thankfulness, selflessness, purity, goodness, etc.
We can also reframe the “who” question like this: “What kind of person does God call me to be to carry out His will today?” When we ask it this way, we also take into account the needs of others as we strive to answer it. First of all, our character choices will become their example. We do good to become markedly patient in a time when those around us are weary. Our presence with them serves as a ministry in itself. Secondly, it alleviates confusion. Those around us are less likely to mistake our actions if they know our hearts.
Jesus, our perfect Savior, was also our great example. He called His disciples (then and now) to imitate His personhood with the simple yet profound: “Follow me.” Peter and John made sure to highlight this to the early church. “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow His steps” (1 Peter 2:21). “Whoever says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked” (1 John 2:6).
Yet He helped His disciples to view His actions through the lenses of His character by asking them: “Who do you say that I am? (Mark 8:29)” Even when speaking about “what He did,” He referred back to
who He was: “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son of God can do nothing of his own accord, but only what He sees the Father doing. For
whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise.” His ministry flowed from His identity (sonship).
We may be tempted to respond at this point: “But that is JESUS! He was faultless. And He was God. He walked on water, pulled coins out of fish, and stopped storms. Is that really what I am called to be as well?” Interestingly, Jesus was not the only one in the Bible who we are exhorted to imitate. Timothy had his grandmother and mother to look to (2 Tim 1:5, 3:14). We also have a cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1).
Notably, the apostle Paul wrote: “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1). He did so numerous times (cf 1 Cor 4:16-17; Phil 3:17; 1 Thess 1:6; 2 Thess 3:9). In doing so, He points not only to his actions, but also his character—the things seen
in him (Phil 4:9). Why? Perhaps because he was a sinful human like us. His example eliminates our excuses. He shows the power of the Christ-life living in each of us.
It has been a helpful spiritual exercise for me to ask the question: “Who then was Paul? What kind of person was he?” Here are a few of my observations lately: He was a man who viewed love as the fullness of the law. He exhibited all the fruits of the Spirit. There was not a lot of gray in his life—he believed in absolute truth, and (though imperfect) he was markedly different after his conversion. He walked in power, both in believing God for personal revelation and corporate edification. He was a proclaimer of truth, sharing the gospel with all audiences, reasoning in the synagogues and the market place…
All of this, being a child of God! So it is, our ministry flows from our identity. “Whoever I am…I am thine!” Of course, even looking at the example of the great Apostle can reveal the distance between the finish line and our current position. It can make us feel rather inadequate. But, the Lord never intended for us to run our race by our own strength.
In
Learning to Be Last, the authors write: “There is a painful yet fascinating relationship between brokenness and character development.” We are not always sure where to start when it comes to life transformation. But a good place—in fact, a godly place—is to come to the Lord in humility (and tears) and say: “Here’s my heart, Lord. Do with it, as You will.” From there, we open our mind to be saturated in the truth of His word, so as to direct our heart in the way it should go (Romans 12:2).
Ajith Fernando, in
Jesus-Driven Ministry, expounds: “Through such means God speaks to us and tells us that He is with us, that we are His, and that He is committed to us. The result is a deep peace and joy and an assurance that God will look after us. When we experience this affirmation over and over again, the messages we got from the world that we are useless, inferior, and insignificant lose their power. We learn to believe that we belong to God, and that God is with us and will look after us and use us. We not only believe the truth that we are God’s precious children with our intellect, but we also accept it in our heart, and this markedly influences our behavior.”
Remember our initial question: “What kind of person does God call me to be to carry out His will
today?” When it does come time to work out the practical details of life, it should always build from our commitment to
be holy at all times. We do well to listen to Francis Chan, in
Forgotten God: “It is easy to use the phrase ‘God’s will for my life’ as an excuse for inaction or even disobedience. It’s much less demanding to think about God’s will for your future than it is to ask Him what He wants you to do in the next ten minutes. It’s safer to commit to following Him someday instead of
this day.”
So, who will I be today? I can think of no better way to end this post than the way my friend Amanda ended her recent post, entitled “Focus, Focus, Focus.” She writes:
“This brings an answer then to the question, ‘What has He called me to do?’ He has called me to focus on Him. Period. THE END! My ministry, my calling, my everything will rise out of that simple truth.”
You can read Bonhoeffer’s entire poem here.
You can read Amanda’s full post here.
