I found out this week that I was chosen for an IRS audit. I am one of the “lucky ones” being researched to find out if “people of my demographic” are filling out their taxes correctly. If not, I could be subject to three months of questioning. Oh boy.
My mind immediately went to Jesus’ command: “Render unto Caesar what Caesar is due (Matthew 22:21).” While keeping in mind that we only owe what is due, I also realize the godly thing is to engage in the process, keep a good attitude, and be well prepared for my first session tomorrow.
But, just for fun, I thought I would also share some of my thoughts when I first received the letter in the mail. That way, I get it all out of my system upfront!
Here they are, in no particular order:
1.) Remember that time when Jesus said to pull a coin from a fish’s mouth to pay off his taxes (Matthew 17:24-27)? I may be fishing in faith next week. Just to see if that sort of thing still happens.
2.) Of course, nothing says “pay off the national debt” like squeezing more tax money from the broke missionary who currently lives with his parents.
3.) If the profile of a “tax cheat” includes rolling around in a used vehicle with over 150,000 miles, still wearing free t-shirts from college, and only splurging on a Route 44 at Sonic during Happy Hour (or really only when I get a free one from the survey coupon code)…I may be guilty as charged.
4.) I guess my life as an “International Man of Mystery” is finally catching up with me. I should have never put that on my business cards…
5.) Most of me is asking: “What would Jesus do?” But there is still a part of me that keeps asking: “What would Madea do?” This could mean trouble.
6.) I wonder if the “Caesar” who shows up at the door tomorrow is the sophisticated Julius Caesar who says things like: “Et tu Brute?” Or the Little Ceasar who says: “Pizza, pizza.” I kinda hope for the second type. He sounds more fun.
7.) I bet he will be in for a surprise when I open up my “vault full of valuables,” which includes my passport, social security card…and my Susan Boyle CD collection.
8.) I hope he appreciates my tax binders color-coded by year since 2001! Boy scout motto: “Be prepared.”
9.) I am certain, when thinking this situation over, it makes all my friends and family feel much better that our government is applying money, time, and resources to audit me. After all, I’m sure we can’t think of any greater issues facing our nation at this moment…
10.) Though depending on how this plays out (tax bill or additional refund), it may determine who I vote for in the next election. Keep that in mind, Mr. Obama!
Okay, Caesar, come on over! It won’t, by any stretch of the imagination, be a toga party. But we’ll keep it positive!
