My mother once told me, when she was a child, she was told: “Little
girls are to be seen, but not heard.”
To me, that seemed very unfair. After all, my mother is a smart and funny lady who deserves to be heard. She has a voice too. Honestly, at the time, it also sounded like a thing of the past—like an outdated sentiment, from a bygone time of sexism. After all, haven’t we progressed past this way of thinking?
To me, that seemed very unfair. After all, my mother is a smart and funny lady who deserves to be heard. She has a voice too. Honestly, at the time, it also sounded like a thing of the past—like an outdated sentiment, from a bygone time of sexism. After all, haven’t we progressed past this way of thinking?
Last week, I was listening to the radio when a hit song from 2008-2009
came on, entitled “Don’t Trust Me,” by 3OH!3.
It was just a beat and a rhythm by which to drive down the highway, until I
heard the bridge. That’s when a silly
song turned vile:
Shush girl. Shut your lips!
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.
I said, Shush girl. Shut your lips!
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.
I said, Shush girl. Shut your lips!
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.
Honestly, I was in shock. I did
not find this innocuous or satirical, in an entertaining way. I found it misogynistic and de-humanizing. Since when is it okay to tell a woman to
“shush” and “shut her lips?” It was also
insulting. Helen Keller is a hero of
women’s suffrage and a pioneer for disabled rights. She is more
than a body. Any woman—any human—is more than a body.
This song objectifies women. It seems to be harkening back to that sexist
sentiment again: “Be seen but not heard.”
Perhaps we’ve not progressed as far as we think.
***
Seven year-old Charlotte Benjamin was in the toy aisle
when she saw an issue, and she decided to say something:
"Today I went to a store and saw legos in two
sections—the girls pink and the boys blue.
All the girls did was sit at home, go to the beach, and shop, and they
had no jobs, but the boys went on adventures, worked, saved people, and had
jobs, even swam with sharks," she wrote.
She gave voice to something that I pray every day for
my niece. She said: “I want you to make
more lego girl people, and let them go on
adventures and have fun, ok!?!”
Yes, world—please let the little girls be seen and be
heard.
***
Our children are trying to tell us something. We still face an
undercurrent of sexism and racism in America.
We may not feel it’s as prevalent or in our face. But perhaps that’s because we have silenced
those who try to raise its awareness. We’ve
dismissed it as “outdated,” and think: "Surely it’s not still here. What
about all those victories for women’s and civil rights?”
Several researchers, along with news outlets, recently recreated the
“black doll / white doll” experiment used in past court cases to help study the
effects of (and ultimately end) segregation in schools.
The recent study showed how children of all colors (and of
differing languages) still associated the black doll with words such as “bad,
ugly, dumb, and mean.” While it was encouraging
to see more children with “race neutral” responses, it’s also heartbreaking to
see how the majority of the black children interviewed continue to view
themselves in these derogatory terms.
The question was raised: “How much do children learn from what they see and hear from adults?"
For the first time in a while, my eyes were opened to this fact: part
of the ugliness of racism is that the oppressed children often believe what
their oppressors tell them. It reveals
that the end of “segregation” does not mean the end of the attitudes, cultural
biases, and issues that got us there.
Sexism is still on our radios. Racism
is still in our schools. They are still seen
and heard in our toy aisles.
Interview Footage: View Here
An excellent article just appeared in the New York Times, that asks: "Where are the people of color in children's books?" It notes, of 3,200 children's books published in 2013, only 93 were about black people.
***
One evening, several months ago, I returned home late from work. It was already dark, and a little girl ran
out from besides the building when I turned the corner toward my
apartment. She almost ran into me, and
then, upon seeing my face, she got a terrified look in her face and began
yelling: “Kevin, come out of those bushes before you scare this man! Please, Kevin—come out here!” Then she said: “We were just playing
hide-and-go-seek. We didn’t mean anything
by it!"
Two little black children playing hide-and-go-seek in the apartment
complex, now terrified by a white man they encountered in the dark. Of course, there was a sad irony of these
little children playing a game where they hide, in a depressed area where the
voices of these children are rarely heard.
More than anything, I hope they are found. They have a voice too. But—why the sudden fear of me?
I quickly made a connection when I turned on the news and saw the
ongoing debates over the Trayvon Martin case.
It changed the way I watched the interviews. I now heard parents scared of their children
being shot in the dark. And I went to
bed that night with the scream of that little girl: “Please, Kevin—come out
here!”
Regardless of where we stand on that debate, it felt like there was so
much talking. There seemed to be little
listening. There was endless arguing
over gun rights, welfare, entitlements, inner city violence, jails, gangs,
crime stats. It made me wonder: Why
wasn’t I doing more listening? Why wasn’t I sitting in the living room of my
black parent friends, listening to their fear and uncertainty for what this
means for their children? Would their
children be safe when seen, or would they be silenced?
***
Journalist Lisa Ling shared an Instagram photo of a sign that’s being
posted across India. It says: “When a woman speaks, listen!”
Perhaps if I stop talking for a moment, it will be quiet enough to hear the continued undercurrent of sexism and racism in America. Perhaps, if I listen, I can help make a world
where my niece and those little children in my apartment complex are both seen
and heard. Perhaps, if anyone, it’s time
for the misogynists on the radio to “shut their lips.” For when a woman speaks—listen.
***
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to
speak, slow to anger;” (James 1:19)
“Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute.” (Proverbs
31:8)
“Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and
pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let
the little children come to me and do
not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” And he
laid his hands on them and went away.” (Matthew 19:13-15)
