It seems that my skeptic student Yu Bin is thinking a lot about God these days. He often makes mention of God in class, whether in earnest or jest.
When I was doing a lesson on “going to the hospital,” I explained the word emergency. I said, “It means it is very serious. If you do not help the person, they may die.” He observed, “You said that if you die, you believe you will go to heaven. So do you think it is an emergency if you are hurt?”
One afternoon, I heard a student crying in the hallway. When Yu Bin came into the class, he said, “That little boy is angry.” I asked him, “Why is he angry?” Yu Bin replied, with all sincerity and not a hint of sarcasm, “I do not know. I am not God!”
A few weeks ago, he told me, “I tried to pray to God, but it didn’t work.” I smiled and said, “Oh really, what happened?” He retorted, “You told us that when you believe in God, you can do all things. But I prayed, and God did not give me a present!”
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After the big show in April, Rafael’s mother asked me what I thought about teaching children in Korea. I told her that it has brought me a lot of joy, but that it has also had its share of challenges. I explained that the unruly classroom behavior took some getting used to, but that I had worked out a system of positive reinforcement.
She asked me, “Do you speak Korean to the students?” I said, “I hope to speak Korean some day, but for now I am only speaking English. Perhaps it may help to learn some simple Korean instructions though.”
What she said next caught me off guard—and, for some reason, caused a weight of conviction. She replied: “It is said that the first phrases that American teachers learn to say to the students here are ‘hurry up’ and ‘don’t do that.’”
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Some days, I see clearly why God sent me to South Korea. Yes, to serve my students at English Village, the members at Evergreen Church, and the community of Suwon. But also—to sanctify ME!
Yu Bin keeps me on my toes these days. He is listening to what I am saying, and he is thinking about it. At this point, he may very well think that I have a death wish—that I want to be in heaven more than on earth. He also misunderstood my meaning of “all things.” I was speaking about overcoming difficulty in our lives. He thought it to mean, “I can get whatever I want if I believe in God.”
I sometimes feel a need to defend myself and say, “That is not what I meant at all!” And in my heart, I can feel this: “Don’t say that! That is not true! Would you see the point already? Don’t pray like that! We should pray for faith in God, not the magic power to get gifts from Santa Claus!” I have a very impatient heart. At times, I want the students to just “hurry up” and get it already!
Today I cooked chili and cornbread for our church. After student Bible study, I was heading to the kitchen when two of the boys asked, “Can we help you cook?” At first, I tried to think of reasons to say “no.” I wanted everything to turn out perfectly, and I feared that their “help” may mean hindrance. But then it hit me—am I again chasing after imagined results at the expense of honest and heartfelt inquiries? Isn’t this a chance to make disciples too? Wouldn’t it be a blessing to them and me? Who cares if it’s a little messy? You should have seen their joy in the kitchen and excitement to watch the members eat what they had prepared together with me.
My cousin Janet (who is beautiful, inside and out) wrote something to me, which is best read in her own words: ““Why silence the questions? Questioning is, in itself, a movement of the Spirit. So many people do not question and do not think, which often leads to complacency and a belief that ‘if I just show up at church once in a while that is all I need.’ … Questioning keeps God on (our) mind and in his presence. He apparently does not want a blind unquestioning faith; he wants a deeper understanding, a depth of knowledge of God. I don't think enough Christians think and question and ask how to see God in their every day life. He is not just a Sunday kind of thing.”
T.S. Eliot once wrote that “an honest doubter becomes the true believer.” Some days, though, I notice that I have exported pride and impatience along with my practice of discipleship. Yes, it is loving when we teach a child to avoid the street, by saying: “Don’t get on the street, for a car may come and hit you!” And, if the child is on the street and the car is indeed coming, it would also be loving to yell out, “Hurry and get off that street before you are hit!”
But on the path that leads to eternal life, it can also be unloving for us Christians to try to demand speed and perfection from our disciples in terms of growth. Worse, we elevate our own systems, opinions, perceptions, and traditions over the heart of Him who really oversees the process of sanctification. He is, after all, “a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster” (Jonah 4:2).
Perhaps, in churches today, we too often say to young believers: “Hurry up, and learn the rules around here! You only have a short time before we grow tired of your old ways of rule breaking—and you don’t make the cut. Then, you are out of the club!” Even more tragic, that may be our views on evangelism! Just make sure that seekers get their lives “cleaned up” according to our standards—not their lives transformed by the gospel of Christ’s love. We try to change ourselves and others from the outside-in.
I am growing more and more okay with being misunderstood for my faith. Moreover, I am learning how to let go of perfectionistic control—and to watch God do His work (Mark 4:26-29). I have seen that, if I am not ready to speak the truth in love—I have forfeited the right to speak the truth in that moment (Ephesians 4:15). It is not my job to argue people into the kingdom of God, but teach them patiently (2 Timothy 2:24-26). I am slowly dividing the biblical life of faith from cultural opinions and practices.
But chiefly, I am learning to worship and adore a God who is slow to anger, abounding in love—who only from the purest heart would ever exclaim, “Hurry up! Don’t do that!”
