I once said something in a sermon series that I’m not sure was super helpful. By that, I mean it wasn’t clear, and it could be easily misunderstood. In context, I was speaking to singles who have a desire to be married, but are still in waiting. And here’s what I said: “If we are single today, then we have the gift of singleness today.”
Yet, I want to point out that there is a real, distinct, spiritual “gift of singleness,” as Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 7. Some of us may indeed enjoy THE life-long gift of singleness, spent in pure (celibate) devotion to God. But here’s the thing—Paul had this gift, and he knew it. He didn’t sit around debating the fact. He simply did not burn with passion; he had a clear vision of his life ahead; and he recognized it like any other spiritual gift—whether mercy, teaching, tongues, etc.
I dare say, most of us don’t fit that category. The good news—if that’s what God wants, He will make it evident. However, most of us are “in waiting” still. We want to be married; we pray and hope for such. The great part—there’s no need to debate it or feel bad about that. Keep asking and seeking! The tough part—we question, in our hearts, can we reasonably expect to find joy in the meantime?
This brings me back to that original statement. I can stand by it—inasmuch as we see that, if we are single today, we may not have THE gift of singleness, but we can view our singleness as A gift—because our very LIFE is a gift. We have been given everything we need today to glorify God and enjoy Him today. As I have tweeted: “We may not have a lifelong gift of singleness, but we can lift up our singleness as a gift in worship today. We can consecrate it for Him.” Thus, as Jesus taught, we can choose, if only for now, to be a “eunuch” for the sake of the kingdom (Matthew 19:12). We can also rest assured that, if we are supposed to glorify God in marriage, He will provide a spouse.
There is nothing inherently special about being single as a Christian. We are born single. Thus, we may try to create a catch-22. We think: “I don’t have the gift of singleness. But God has withheld the joy of marriage. Why would He leave me in this position—with nothing?” We fail to grasp that our very life is a gift. It doesn’t require the gift of singleness to see that God has, in fact, given many gifts (James 1:17). He’s not been withholding. He’s been giving and blessing and providing.
The questions I have been pondering in my life lately: Do I truly see and cherish the gifts He has given me today? And what am I doing with them? After all, if I fail to appreciate these gifts now, and am not faithful with them—how can I expect to see marriage as a gift then, and be faithful with it?
For starters:
Today is a gift. “This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24).
My salvation is a gift. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).
Friendship (and community) is a gift. “Oil and perfume make the heart glad; so does the sweetness of a friend come from his earnest counsel” (Proverbs 27:9).
JESUS is a gift. “Jesus answered her, ‘If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water’” (John 4:10).
The HOLY SPIRIT is a gift. “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:13).
He’s also provided me with other spiritual gifts, if not the gift of singleness. Am I using them to glorify Him and edify others? Plus, He’s blessed me with physical provision. Am I giving it cheerfully for the sake of the kingdom—or am I hoarding up all these gifts, to be spent only on myself?
I don’t know God’s will for each person, with regards to marriage and singleness. That’s part of His secret will. But what has been revealed—it’s His will that we be thankful. So, I do not want to be like the kid throwing a tantrum after Christmas, because he DID get 1,000 gifts, but he didn’t get that pony that he wanted—that he feels he needed. Marriage cannot be that pony. Our ideas of marriage are often more like a unicorn anyway. They simply aren’t realistic. If there is a treasure to be had, worth selling everything for, it’s life in Jesus. And, by His grace, He’s already provided that for me!
We have not been left with nothing. God gives daily. Even the rain falls on the just and the unjust. He has also given His Son for us (John 3:16). For those of us in Christ, we can remember this formula from Pastor Tullian Tchividjian: Jesus + Nothing = EVERYTHING!
And may we remember: "learn to be content" is not just a message for singles. It's for us all, "whatever situation" (Phil 4:11). Our life is a gift, friends. So, enjoy it today—whether married or single.
